For the past week I’ve been vacationing with the fam in Hilton Head, South Carolina.
Most days followed the same pattern: eat breakfast then beach it for a few hours, get lunch then go to the pool for another couple, shower, eat dinner, and then spend the rest of the night applying two pounds of Aloe to our bodies. Turning white was easier for Michael Jackson than getting tan is for my family. I also somehow manage to burn unevenly – think: “Fifty Shades of Red.”
I left out one important activity from the daily routine list: after every dinner, like clockwork, my family would take a long walk on the beach.
The transformation took place as soon as my rubber tires of destruction touched down on the sandy beach. Every time I saw a sand castle or other creation, I would black out and then come to several minutes later, only to find it completely demolished. The sand children cried when they saw me. I reduced whole sand civilizations to lumps in a matter of minutes. I became Sandva, Destroyer of Sand-Worlds.
Unfortunately, we only rented the bikes for one day, so the sand reckoning was limited to that night. Until the next beach vacation, Mr. Sand Alligator. MP.