NFL Week 3 Predictions

Gronk Flakes

Just catch the damn ball.

This weekend has a lot of boring match-ups.  TOO MANY.  The Patriots better have eaten their Gronk Flakes this morning – they’re going to need it against the Ravens tonight! MP

Date & Time                         Favorite                         Spread                 Underdog

9/23 1:00 ET                         At Chicago                         -7.5                      St. Louis

I dare say that St. Louis has soul and they’re super bad.  As in good.

9/23 1:00 ET                         At Dallas                            -8                         Tampa Bay

Did you know that Ronde Barber’s first name is actually Jamael..?  And that Romo’s is Tina!?

9/23 1:00 ET                         San Francisco                -6.5                        At Minnesota

Randy Moss returns to the city that drafted, traded, re-signed, and cut him.  His TD celebration will be equal parts appreciation and bitterness.

9/23 1:00 ET                         Detroit                             -3.5                         At Tennessee

Detroit can’t start games. Tennessee can’t finish games. I can’t pick games.

9/23 1:00 ET                         At Washington              -3                         Cincinnati

The ‘Skins lost Orakpo and Carriker for the season, while Pierre Garcon might miss a few more games.  At least Josh Morgan will be available for another untimely penalty.

9/23 1:00 ET                         NY Jets                             -2.5                         At Miami

Mark Sanchez hits on Ryan Tannehill’s wife during pre-game warm-ups. Tebow tries to be “one of the guys” and invites Mrs. Tannehill to Bible Study after the game.

9/23 1:00 ET                         At New Orleans                -9                         Kansas City

Do you think Sean Payton secretly loves that the Saints are winless without him…?

9/23 1:00 ET                         Buffalo                               -3                         At Cleveland

Whoever loses this game must live a month in the winning teams’ city.  That should motivate ‘em.

9/23 1:00 ET                         At Indianapolis                -3                         Jacksonville

Will Andrew Luck win more games in his first season w/ the Colts (3) than Peyton Manning did?  Does Albert Haynesworth like donuts?

9/23 4:05 ET                         Philadelphia                        -3.5                       At Arizona

Arizona shows this week that beating the Pats wasn’t a fluke.  Mike Vick gets knocked out of the game.

9/23 4:05 ET                         At San Diego                         -3                         Atlanta

Hotlanta blows by San Diego, the team with the stalest roster of the decade.

9/23 4:25 ET                         Houston                              -2                         At Denver

Peyton’s happy feet are moving at an all-time high.  That’s not a good thing for Denver.

9/23 4:25 ET                         Pittsburgh                           -4.5                      At Oakland

A Mike Tomlin team will never be out-coached by Oakland.

9/23 8:25 ET                         At Baltimore                          -3                         New England

“There is a prison in a more ancient part of the world, a pit where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes the pit sends something back.”  Prison/pit/darkness = Raven Stadium; man = Patriots.

9/24 8:35 ET                         Green Bay                           -3                          At Seattle

Green Bay’s D can’t stop a nosebleed, but it can stop Seattle.

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